A Love Letter to Los Angeles

There really is something so special about meeting a human, one that kind of feels like chance but also so unbelievably fated that you wonder how you could ever exist on opposite sides of the world. They feel like yourself external. Someone who just gets you. Where there are no expectations, only understanding, and a bond that is born out of just being. You see them for who they are, and they open doors within yourself that you didn’t know were contained; all the while the more time you are together the more you realise you were sent to each other for a reason.

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Her name is Amanda, and she is a friend for life. Based in Anaheim, Orange Country (“California, California… here we come!” Where are all my “The O.C.” fans?) I couldn’t find more solitude in my pain if I tried. Sure, it’s lovely to be with loved ones when you’re going through hardships, but I draw on comfort within my pain by knowing that without the past that lay behind me I simply would not have met her. Without words we both understand this to the core and without hesitation nurture the luck we have be granted.

Amanda is what a typical Aussie girl would view as a wholesome all-American gal. Kind and sweet with a healthy dose of sass and smarts that Trump would hate, an outlook on life that is thoughtful and considered while still allowing spontaneity and with a humble yet fun home that dreams are made of! I still remember when I first met Amanda, Christmas 2017, and it was like I stepped into a movie. Everywhere you looked another little or special display made itself known that you knew was specifically placed there with purpose and love and the house was no different in USA Summer (minus the Chrissy decorations). The perfect oasis for her two children, James, and Christoper (who she home schools), and a special touch of love and magic infused throughout, with two cats to boot. Oh! And did I mention Brett, her Husband, works at Disneyland… oh yes, that’s right… This beautiful couple met at Disneyland a lifetime ago. Amanda was a dancer and performer, and Brett worked the engineering aspects of all the technicalities that makes the magic happen. You couldn’t imagine anything more perfect.

On arriving, with much anticipation and excitement (following a quick stop at iHop for pancakes!), I hear Amanda’s distinctive melodic laugh as she flings the screen door open, and we give each other a hug that’s been coming for over 5 years. It really is something special and I immediately recall how I felt last time I visited – that I could instantly relocate and live here. I can’t explain what it is, but she provides a type of security and outlook on life that feels SO easy. Something I’m craving desperately in my own life.

Her two children are the energy of their world and her eldest, James, doesn’t miss a beat with welcoming me back into a space I know I can always call home. Meeting her second, Christopher, who joined us Earth side almost three years ago with down syndrome, which only adds value to their world, and you instantly recognise that he is one of the sweetness boys you will ever meet and carries an unshakable amount of love – he is the perfect addition for my beautiful friends and the life they have built together.

We catch up like no time has passed as I try to shake off my jetlag as quickly as I can, so that I can give my full and focused energy – especially after last time saw me so sick that I was a shadow of myself, I didn’t want to waste a moment. But before I could dive in too far, Brett arrives home with a warm hug to welcome me, and it’s something else to see him place his Tinkerbell personalised 25-year achievement plaque from Disney on the kitchen bench to take pride of place! I’ve always admired people who commit to their career. I have a few friends that fall into this category back home – Anna, Katie, Brooke, Nicky, and Luke! But it’s not something that works for me and my life. I’m very fluid and will move from company to company, or project to project as per what my heart desires and enjoys. I’m learning to love this aspect of myself which I’ve struggled with for some time. One aspect that I’ve embraced, is that possessing a fluid and unconventional approach to career/work/the thing that pays the bills… it isn’t a failure. Far from it! Some people need consistent structure, and some people need fluidity. What’s important is both directions are commendable, and both are achievements in their own right. But it’s still pretty cool to see an achievement such as Brett’s recognised, especially when so deserved.

I must make it clear. I haven’t come to the USA to see more of this country, and it becomes quickly evident (after I visit more of the US a little later) that there is a stark difference to the US of 2017 and the US of now… the spark had gone, and it no longer holds the same vibrancy and excitement I use to see it as. But luckily for me I’m purely here to see Amanda, and by default buffered in a few extra stops along the way. It’s immediately clear that I made the best decision to arrive at this home for the beginning of my journey.

For one thing Amanda doesn’t muck around with her hosting. For starters I woke up each morning within my Harry Potter decorated bedroom – sorting hat, Gryffindor colours (in case you’re wondering, I’m a Ravenclaw!), flying keys magically floating from the ceiling, intricate figurines and other detailed decorations that supports James’s imagination, and my own! Making my way downstairs to the sound of James telling a ghost tale or explaining the details of the latest imagined character he has conjured up to draw – this kid truly has a gift, and I can’t wait to see what he does with it - I walk through the lounge to a full breakfast spread that patiently awaits me. Pastries, fresh fruit, juice, cereals, healthy eats, and sustainable options. It puts my “do you want bacon and eggs or a Maccas run” serve up to shame! It’s something I admire about Amanda; she doesn’t do anything by halves. It’s all or nothing.

The force (of jetlag) is strong in me, but today we’re diving straight in! And it’s off to Disneyland we go for a beautiful full day of magic and fun! There’s not much that I can say about Disneyland if you haven’t been. It will only sound like ridiculous tropes all heard before and marketing that needs a refresh, however it really is a place where happiness resides, and my inner child came to life during the Disney parade! It even saw me asking some serious questions of Amanda for how I could potentially audition (which we saw some people prepping for that morning’s audition session as we arrived. I may have also turned on my charm when we ran into one of Amanda’s old casting agents for “the talent”, while I silently hoped that even at almost 40years of age I still have it and could make that happen… and the magic must have been well and truly working, because despite all that my body has been through, I actually knew this hope to be true. I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment if I moved to Anaheim, to audition for Disney as a performer. This thought lingered with me and continues to do so…)

We enjoyed all the rides, and fun, with my own personal tour guide of two people (three if you count James) who know the park like the back of their hand! Seeing Disney through Christopher and James's eyes made my heart burst. But being gifted with some truly magical moments with James's (from co-captaining the the Millennium Falcon, to seeing the joy on his face in the teacups, to his sassy challenges with Amanda and showing me the hidden secrets of Disneyland... I'll carry those moments with me always. We ended the evening in teacups full of laughter and love, and it was the first time in a very long time that I found myself truly laughing and letting myself enjoy it!

We only had a very short couple of days together before I had to head off, but a few other fun moments included a bon fire down at the beach with hotdogs and smores and a fun soccer game as a nice little foreshadowing to the excitement Australia would have in couple of months (although we didn’t know it yet!).

We hiked for a half day and looked to my right, and I see the Hollywood sign. This is all so crazy, everybody seems so famous. My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda homesick, too much pressure and I'm nervous. That's when the taxi man (Brett) turned around and told me to shut up because this is a blog and not a Miley Cyrus music video clip!

I also enjoyed a little time down at the Santa Monica pier, where it was once again VERY windy, and we gorged ourselves on naughty burgers from Johnny Rockets! My time at the pier felt a little strange and I felt quite sad as I walked through the crowd hearing different buskers, the background noise of the rides and the clattering of cutlery from the various restaurants I walked past. The last time I was there was with my love. It felt bittersweet and melancholic to be there without him, but it provided an opportunity for me to reflect, appreciate some beautiful moments I’ve had and allow myself to make some new memories.

But not before I recreated a photo of me! It’s wild to see 2017 Keely and 2023 Keely. So much has changed, both within my life, my body and within myself. I look like a completely different person because I am. I realise that when I next visit, I will be different again. The thought of who that person will be is terrifying and exhilarating; and in that duality, I can find peace knowing that I have an opportunity for a rebirth that I have the control of. Control of not only who I choose to be, but embracing who I am.

It’s within this moment of reflection that I make a promise to myself to commit to the growth while accepting the pain that will be within that, but also to allow myself to open to the joy – and even the bland moments of nothingness - (people always skip over that part and jump straight to the two extremes. But I really enjoy the moments that are so quiet they’re almost insignificant. Yet…if you’re paying just the right amount of attention you spot how special those moments really are) - that will be presented to me over the next 6 months.

Before I make my way to my next stop, I have the amazing opportunity to connect with an old friend, Hayley Dwight, and it’s here that I really start to understand that life is giving me a chance to look back at how far I’ve come. From a girl who was so desperate to be liked and given chances in the community theatre world, who wanted nothing more than to dance and longed to be free from the throws of her long-term crush (oh the drama and to be young again!) feeling as though I was always a frustration for people and an inconvenience and annoyance to many, plus many times where I irritated myself with the number of mistakes I made, not to mention quietly carrying the private trauma of my upbringing and the loss contained within that. Miley Cyrus’ “Used to Be Young” could not be more of a theme for this. Yet, Hayley and I get to talk about things from our past, giggle about things from that time in both our lives, and even share a couple of secrets of things that went unsaid in years gone by but surely things that everyone knew. Only this time when we shared these stories, we did so as secure, independent, mature women who are following their paths and proudly owning who they are – especially to those that don’t like us. It really is a loss, for them.

I enjoyed one last beautiful evening with my darling Amanda, Brett, James, and Christopher and then it was time for me to repack and get ready for the very first stop in my trip where I would be fully alone. I started to get nervous, and it felt like this is where the journey was truly about to begin. I had Lauren in Bali, Amanda in LA… but now it was me, myself, and I.

Las Vegas was here, and I was readyyyy to partyyyy with the best of friends, and we’re gonna go down to the RIVER!

…and if you don’t understand that reference then I guess it’s a shame, because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Therefore, there won’t be any blog entry for it! However, some photos and a wrap up video will be shared. Check them out on Instagram and Facebook and look out for the next entry. It’s all about New Orleans, where I was finally finding my feet and feeling like I was thriving…

...or was I?

View Video of LA here

View Photos of LA here